Not long ago I suffered a miscarriage. Since it was my second pregnancy I got to know early this time around that I was pregnant because I could almost sense it but I had to wait for a time frame to check even with the home pregnancy kit.
Anyways the test was positive and started the whole process of doctors & ultrasound and test. In my first ultrasound at 5 weeks 2 days the doc could not catch a heartbeat. So they suggested I come back again after a week or so. In between I had a trip planned to Delhi which was a week long and doc gave me a go ahead to enjoy the trip(as it was planned well in advance). The trip went well. Came back on sunday so had to wait till monday to get an ultrasound. By this time I was 7 weeks pregnant and I was very excited to see my baby and hear that fast heartbeat.
BUT!!
Doc said that he could not detect a heartbeat and most probably the pregnancy has been miscarried. I don’t know what came into me that I held my calm till the time they prepared the final report. Literally I was hoping the doc does not know how to do ultrasound or he might have missed something, I mean its no way possible this could happen to me. Meanwhile my husband tried to console me, pay bills, get report and contact the gynaecologist.
It was quite late in the evening and we could not get a hold of her. Then YouTube and Google came to my rescue and I spend my night sleepless, reading stories where they detected heartbeat after a week and so and everything went well. But I guess it was not meant for me.
We visited the doc next day and she confirmed that its a genetic failure and with time the pregnancy will be miscarried. I was given two options- to wait or to get medically aborted.
That’s when I almost lost it, I could not get my tears to stop; I could barely think or talk. So my doc gave me time to think and decide what to do. Meanwhile next day I got another ultrasound done, this time a TVC(vaginal ultrasound). Got the same results (although inside I was hoping for something different). Started bleeding right after. And in the end I opted for a medical abortion.
So in my experience here is what not to do if you miscarry!
- Don’t blame yourself or try to pin the blame at anybody. In most cases its a natural miscarriage and its nobody’s fault. Thinking that you may have done something differently, would have taken cars of yourself more is no reason for a miscarriage. Early miscarriages (before 12 weeks) are most commonly due to chromosome abnormalities which no can predict or do anything about. But you are very much capable of conceiving again.
- Don’t push your husband away. He can’t possibly understand the pain, physical or mental. But if your husband wants to be there for you in any way don’t push him. Instead talk to your husband and tell him how you feel and what you need.
- Don’t dive back to life. Rest, we are capable of forming a bond even with a 5-6 week old baby ; that’s when most of us get to know about pregnancy right! So naturally after loosing that precious one we need to stop and rest. Give our body and mind some time to get out of the trauma. Rest could be a day or two off work or even just take this time to grieve but move on.
- Don’t hide your pain, Seek help, if you can’t move on seek help from someone who can help you with your loss.
- Don’t wait long and try again, as I said in most cases you are going to conceive easily and have a healthy pregnancy and baby. {I got pregnant within 3 months of my miscarriage}
Stay positive! Concentrate on your health.
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